Flow 3: You are not here
The third transmission, in which I can't keep up
Sometimes, in the beginning, I couldn’t keep up with what the guides were showing me. When this happened, the guides slowed and softened their message, finding new ways of connection and opening new channels of transmission. In this, the third official transmission, you’ll witness that in action.
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The third transmission
I awoke feeling agitated and unsettled and it was hard for me to sit and listen for the message. When I finally did, I felt a great burden of resistance slide from me, though as I write this, I am feeling small stabbing pains in my ears.
I’m in the sun room. Mooky ([my cat] is on my lap. Mourning doves coo.
As we begin, I hear a distant bell - and the sounds of all the threads become louder as they swirl and sing together. It’s like listening to an orchestra tune before a performance and then, the disorganized sound of many instruments playing out of alignment falls away and there is silence and then, the bright crisp note of one flute.
The guides keep asking me if I am refreshed and ready to begin. I answer that I am okay but concerned about my health and money.
I open my eyes. I’m distracted. The woman who runs every morning passes the window. I close my eyes.
My ears are buzzing so loudly now that I cannot hear the birds or the passing cars. I can feel the cat purring on my lap but all there is now is the oceanic sound - the ‘music’ of transmission.
I tell you all of this because the guides want you to witness my process.
It is part of the process of attuning to our message, they say. There is teaching in it for the reader. There is teaching in it for you.
I am receiving the cue that we will be talking about emergence. I am here. I am ready to begin...
And so we begin with the treatise on emergence this morning. All is well and this is the word on emergence.
My notes end here. ‘I must take care of other things,’ I wrote in my Flow Journal. ‘I will return.’
But I didn’t return. I had to get to yoga. Yet, even as I drove toward the studio, I began to notice that the guides were still with me. As if their message was a field and I was inside of it, until everything seemed to be ‘talking’ about emergence: license plates and street signs and the voices on the radio. Everything.
And all of it was flowing so fast and so strongly that I had to capture it.
As I was driving, I reached for my notebook to take down what I could, scribbling notes with one hand. What came through was so powerful - and so insistent - that I decided to skip yoga to write it all down.
The message, captured in pieces, in the car and cafe:
You are not here
You are not here. And we will show you (tell you about) the thousand points of light that are where you think you are. Your attention is here and there, here and there - Yet this pixelated universe flowing into and out of the cups of your awareness is not who you are. [A reference to screens, to television - and all the distractions of our busy world].
We want to show you the magic of the world in which you actually live and work and play - and a bit on why you miss it and how it feels when, every now and then, you don’t miss it.
Every now and then when the world in which you actually live gets your attention, when it pierces the veil of your aloneness, your busyness, your addiction to seeing the world as an opposing force/opponent when in fact it is a mirror, a cosmic selfie endlessly snapping a portrait of who and what you really are. Which is to say that YOU ARE EVERYWHERE
You are everywhere and this is a map of who you are.
Suddenly, an explosion of images bursts into my mind. A slide show, flashing images of mountains, lakes, beaches, blue skies. The beauty. The magnificence. Tears fill my eyes, my heart opens like a rose and then, just as suddenly, the images change. Pollution and destruction - fires, flooding, brown water pouring through collapsed villages.
And you are here, in the beauty and here in the ugliness. And this is you, over here, as well. You are like a child, squatting in a corner of your heart, terrified to come out and play. And yet there is all of this, which invites you to come out anyway.)
Come out anyway.
I don’t understand this message. I sit in the corner of my favorite cafe, tears running down my cheeks. What do I do with all of this? What CAN I do about any of this?
What the f**k are we [humans] doing? Sitting in wonder at the beauty of the world even as we are, simultaneously, taking it apart? I am devastated by this. I feel powerless. Overwhelmed. What am I meant to do with this message?
I lose track of the guides. I forget to ask them for help. That night, they send me a powerful dream, which I’ve entitled, A thing of great blessing
In the dream, someone had died and I was searching for his story so I would know what to do - but all I could find was one shoe, which I put on my foot.
And now, as I kept searching, I was hobbling. One shoe on. One shoe off.
Then, Oprah was helping me and we found the closet where the shoeboxes were stored. We found it together and I was the one who opened the doors - I opened them wide enough that we could both look inside.
Oprah was the one to pull out the box that I needed. And we stood side by side like sisters, facing the closet (which was more an armoire, really, tucked into a small hidden room) and it was she who pulled the shoe box toward us and for one moment, as she transferred it to my hands, we held it together and sighed, appreciating its beauty, holding its power. The box was a lovely lavender/purple and we knew that, together, we were holding a thing of great blessing.
I was the one to open the box. And inside it were, somehow, both shoes - even though, earlier, I'd been wearing the one.
But that didn't matter because then I put them on and wearing both shoes, I woke up.
Reading back through this dream, I see so much more than I could see then. Oprah appears here, not as her human self but as our modern queen of hearts, the archetype of generosity. This dream represents my reunion with that energy - the force of love.
The loss of one shoe represents the loss of one half of what it means to be human: our connection to the earth, to nature. Theshoes, which in dream symnbolism, represent the paths that we walk, are meant to be a pair. The dream explicitly states: Someone had died and I was searching fofr his story so I would know what to do.
Each shoe represents half the story. Walking with only half the pair hobbles our ability to make the human journey, which requires one foot on ‘his’ path, the road of material success, and one foot on ‘her’ path, the road of the heart and soul.
We need one foot in each shoe in order to receive the blessings of both paths - both ways.
The box itself, we held it together and sighed, appreciating its beauty, holding its power, represents a quality of consciousness that is capable of holding both shoes at once. Capable of not splitting into “this way or that way.”
The transfer of the box of power to my hands. I can hold this. The queen of hearts has entrusted me, she trusts me to hold it.
I was the one to open the box. And inside it were, somehow, both shoes - even though, earlier, I'd been wearing the one. Though I’d been wearing one shoe, the dream had united the pair.
I put them on and wearing both shoes, I woke up.
This is a call, and acknowledgment, from the dreaming. I woke up, heart full of joy. Ready to begin again. Two shoes. A box of power in my hands. A new day.
In the next transmission, Flow 4: The dream guides your thoughts.
As ever, I am grateful for your interest in this work.