the light came to find me and all I had to do was follow

Six dreams in a row, heralding the return to love, to light, to life.

Since the stroke, I have not really been dreaming. Not while asleep, anyway. (This whole experience was a kind of dreaming. Eyes open. Walking through strange landscapes.)

Now that the medical journey - tests, procedures, doctors visits - are mostly completed, I imagine the dreaming will return.

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This morning, as I was resuming my “great delete” project, clearing out 570 unpublished posts, hundreds of pages of notes, keeping what’s still resonant and releasing what I no longer need, I came across this pile of treasure, a series of six dreams from 18 months ago.

The dreams were deeply personal, rich with meaning for me. They were also archetypal, with wisdom for us all.

It’s been a long summer (which began with a stroke and ended with minor brain surgery) and I’ve changed. That doesn’t mean that the guidance I received earlier no longer resonates. It does - often in deeper more complex ways. This morning, I am so very moved by these dreams. It’s as if they came and found me all over again - calling me back to the light.

I offer them in the order they came. Perhaps they contain a gift for you, too.

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(A quick note: I don’t interpret my dreams. I take them as they are. Mythic, symbolic adventures plump with juicy love. That said, though the meaning of my dreams is vividly clear to me, it may not be clear to you. If there is something here that you don’t understand, I would be happy to tell you what it means to me. Just leave a comment.)

Photo by David Monje on Unsplash

Dream One:
The light came for me

I dreamed that I was standing in a long line of people. In a dark and dingy alley. It was evening and the whole thing looked like a photo from the Great Depression. Bleak. Colorless hopeless. I felt dull, flat and empty.

Suddenly, I noticed a little ball of light, zipping around like a bee. Sensing that it was looking for me, I let it draw me off the line. As I followed it, I realized: I’m free.

Before the light came for me I didn’t know that I wasn’t free. I was dense and sleepy and resigned to my wait in line. When I was free I could see and understood more about how life works and who I am. I understood, also, that I couldn’t have done this myself. I understood that the light came to find me and all I had to do was follow.

I woke up filled with joy and awe. The light had come to find me. The sense of being chosen and deeply loved has been with me all day.

Dream Two:
I was flowing like light, like wind

I dreamed that I was flowing (like light, like wind) across a vast landscape. A woman’s voice was speaking. She said, “You have a lot to say about how others should live but you are not living this way yourself.”

“How might I live?” I asked, and she said, “Follow the voice. As you follow, the Flow builds and, as you have seen, one choice to follow leads to the next. Each choice changes experience, each choice changes the next choice that comes.”

I looked down at the vast world below me, feeling small, uncertain and unworthy of this enormous task.

“Follow the voice, and see all of this doubt and uncertainty fall away. Let us help you,” she said. “Let us have you.”

Though the voice was familiar, I couldn’t help but ask: Who are you? She laughed then, and said, “You know who I am, who we are.” And the moment she said it I did know! And I laughed, knowing and trusting her.

“I am the guide,” she said. “We are the guides. We are Love. Once you begin {to follow} you will have no time for this self-doubt and uncertainty. It is illusion and comes from not following the voice. Let us help you. Let us lead you.

“Start your course now. Your course of following the voice, no matter what. Your course of following love, no matter what. When you start your course you are immediately on course. Stay the course and see the course change course. Know this: You are the course you choose. Know that you are the chosen one. And so is everyone else. Know this: You have been given this course because you can hear us. We are the message. You are the messenger.

“It is never and will never be too late to follow the voice. You have not missed/cannot miss your opportunity. Here it is again. Follow the voice. Your opportunity is now. Your appointment with Love is ongoing, ever opening before you. Walk with me now. Every step is the choice. Follow the voice. Give up the argument and know Love.

I woke up and again, the message vibrated through me all day. I knew what it meant. I knew what it asked of me. I went through cycles of acceptance and resistance. I practiced following the voice all day.

Dream Three:
Two men, two maps

I dream that I cannot decide which man to follow. I love them both with all my heart but I know that I must choose. To be with one, I must leave the other. In the dream, I know that I’ve made the right choice. Everything is wonderful. All is well. Suddenly, the two men are standing before me. I look from one to the other. Oh, I realize. They are both the same man. It’s I who have changed.

I wake up. I write down the dream.

Dream Four:
The map

I dream there is a map where each of our stories is plotted. Each map is a spectrum of color and possibility. As we move through life, our story is interpreted by a wise elder, who bends over the map, scanning the landscape.

I am the apprentice - and, in this dream, I am watching the wise one evaluate someone else’s map. I learn as I watch him trace his finger across the page. Though no words are spoken, the wisdom flows like water and I am a sponge. I soak it in.

I see that each life begins with certain qualities and as the years unfold, each quality shifts into an expression of shadow or light. If the quality is tended, watered and given light, it flowers into wisdom and understanding. If that same quality is held in the dark, undernourished and ignored, it festers, becoming an ignorance, a fault.

In the dream time, this made so much sense to me. I remember the dream-feeling of literally ‘soaking in’ wisdom like a sponge. Perhaps you will have an embodied sense of what it means and where it fits into your journey.

Dream 5:
We need you to fill your place

I dream that I am running through the house as a male voice is speaking - as if leaving a message on an answering machine. I am looking for a telephone, desperate to pick up the call before the caller hangs up. “Just listen,” my husband says. I stop running. I listen. The voice says: “Come to the production as soon as you can. We need you to fill your place.”

My husband looks at me. “Wow,” he says. “This is your big break. Do it!”

There is a beep and a second message begins. This time it’s a woman. She says, Come now. It’s time. We’re waiting for you.”

I wake up with the words embroidering themselves through my thoughts: Quietly invite. Make the space and show up - a door blowing open in a warm spring breeze.

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This long weekend, I wish you bright end-of-summer days, cool evenings and love - ever so much love.

xxoo
Amy

the view from my healing house. a little shrine that my husband built in the tangle of Queen Anne’s Lace and weeds that is this year’s garden. A weathered beach house atop a slice of the tree that toppled in a storm, surrounded by a cluster of shells and stones gathered from many beachy summrs.

All things change. Life surges toward us. Here comes Autumn! What will we make of it this year?