For you rejoice in the arrival of one who loves you in this way, with rejoicing at your arrival. What a gift such friends are! And what sadness/loss pierces the heart at their departure.
You were the friend that you were. No more and no less than you should have been. The truth is, dear one: You were perfect - then and now. The perfect friend, one of an infinite number of friendships offered to each of them - some accepted, others rejected. Some wider and richer, others more lightly held. All as they were and all just what was needed for the perfect unfolding of the ‘project of flowing love into the world’ at that time, through that point of contact, with that person.
And Amy is asking us to return to the discussion of the heart and this ‘pulling', which is causing her concern about her body. And so we will point now to what is constellating around this pulling - and as we begin, the pain ‘clarifies’ and becomes more clear in the left side of Amy’s left breast, as if someone had poked there, a finger into a bruise and we will use this as a starting point, for all discussions have a point of constellation and so do all concerns, all questions and all symptoms in the body.)
And we would have you know, we would reassure you now that all is well and that this ‘heart pain’ is a response to recent and near future events. For you, Amy, have worked in the space between living and dying for some time now. With your father and your mother and now you have lost yet another friend. This time, Merle, the one who would hug you each time she saw you enter the yoga studio and feel how, even our mention of this name opens the ache in your breast and tears come - tears which you have not yet shed.
Tears for this friend who hugged you and who looked upon your arrival with joy - just as your father would greet you when you entered his hospital room; and as your mother greets you now when you enter hers. For you rejoice in the arrival of one another and bask in the company of one who loves you in this way, with rejoicing at your arrival. What a gift such friends are!
And what sadness/loss pierces the heart at their departure. For who will look upon you now with that gaze of love and who will rejoice at your arrival? Who will gather you, time and again, into a warm hug of friendship, of fellowship?
And to Amy it seems that her whole life is constellating around this concern of mothers dying too soon; and sons and daughters and loving husbands left grieving.
Two nights ago, she dreamed she was saying goodbye to Matthew - they were ascending separate escalators, hand in hand until a wall emerged between the escalators and they had to let go. And he was on one side of the wall and she was on the other and as she looked upward, anticipating the end of the wall, she saw that the wall went on forever and that one escalator was leading to a a place, marked with a sign marked ‘Heaven’ and the other side was marked with a sign that said, ‘Earth’ and she woke, with that pain concentrated tightly in her breast. And she wept a little.
And that day, her son called to tell her that he had dreamed about her - and that in his dream, she had died and was ascending away from him physically but she was surrounding him, even as she ascended, in echoing spheres of love and ‘spirituality’.
“You are my spirituality,” he told her on the phone. And she smiled. She told him then that she is not afraid of death, only of leaving him and his sister and their father. Only of leaving her work unfinished - but she is not afraid, only hopeful she will have more time with those she loves and with her work, which she so loves doing. “I want you to know that I’m not afraid,” she said. “So you won’t have concern about that - if I do die.”
“Okay,” he said, and they laughed. And concerns of death fell away as those of being alive returned. The finding of a restaurant where he could eat lunch; the packages she had to bring to the post office.
Dreams of death are not predictions
These dreams of leaving the ones that you love are not predictions of an immanent death. They are re-minders of the preciousness of the time that you do have together. The loss of Merle - so sudden and surprising - re-minds you of the other friends recently lost. Gail and Isis and Marcia, all lost within one year. Three friend-sisters with whom you shared your way for a time. For even as your paths diverged and even as you did not call them or encounter them, so they rested (and so they rest still) within your heart. And so we would soothe you now, and draw your attention to your heart, to the breast where your love for them has entangled itself in spiderwebs of shame - that you did not visit, did not call; guilt that you should have done more, given more.
See how the left side of the breast aches as we amplify your awareness of these tangled thoughts. This ‘project’ of worry, this ‘project’ of attention to the ways that you did not live up to the ‘project’ of perfection.
The Project of Perfection
So we remind you now that ‘the project of perfection’ is not real. Like all of these projects of the spiderweb, perfection is illusion, a projection of consciousness, which the group mind uses to ensnare itself in obligation, in duty, in a kind of nonsense-silk, spun from the belly of your own belief in lack of freedom.
You were the friend that you were. No more and no less than you should have been. The truth is, dear one: You were perfect - then and now. The perfect friend, one of an infinite number of friendships offered to each of them - some accepted, others rejected. Some wider and richer, others more lightly held. All as they were and all just what was needed for the perfect unfolding of the ‘project of flowing love into the world’ at that time, through that point of contact, with that person.
And so we turn you now to the only friendship that is real, the only friendship that is constant and ever-present: your friendship toward yourself.
Did you think that we were going to say ‘your friendship with The Divine— or with us, the guides and angels? Did you imagine we were going to turn your gaze toward the heavens and invite you to engage in friendship with God, the one steady source of love and peace?
We did just that! For when you love and befriend yourself, you love and befriend the one true friendship, the one love which offers and offers itself to you — every moment of your life. The one friendship on which all friendships lay their ground.
When you love and respond to yourself, when you take yourself in your own arms and hold yourself close, it is we who are holding you. For you and The Divine (and we) are one. We are one with you. This is what we mean when we say that you are here with us and we are here with you. Always.
And we return your attention to your own heart and the location of the pain where, you see, it has softened from the focalized stab of pain to a wide and spreading warmth as your concerns melt away. So it will be with all pain, and all knots of concern. For as they are softened from worry they dissolve - losing focus and losing form.
In this case, it is pain is in the body which has constellated, taking form to in-form you of pain in the emotions. In other cases, ‘pain’ may manifest in the world. Even when it seems as if your ‘whole life’ is constellating around a concern, this can easily soften - and so it shall soften now - as your attention shifts onto other things.
As it is in your body, so it is in the body of the world. All pain can soften when the attention shifts away from the focal point of pain’s constellation.
Your words are such a gift. I have had this pain in my left breast for several days now and I too have lost so many friends. Last September I lost my high school best friend and my college roommate. We kept in touch all these years, visiting each other: I in Massachusetts;she in Pensacola. I was with her even when she died but long distance. Her son sat by her hospital bed and he relayed on the phone everything to me. I saw her ascend in a glorious golden cloud of Light and it was joyous and beautiful and i felt her joy at leaving Ibut the next day and all the days after, I have been sad that she is not here now to call or write or send presents to. We were college friends with Allen and he died suddenly from Covid about a year before she left. Over the last 20 years. I have lost all my dearest friends, except for one. There are more souls I love on the other side than now live here. That pain in my breast is still here but I hope it will desolve. Thank you, Amy. Just what I needed today.
Your words are such a gift. I have had this pain in my left breast for several days now and I too have lost so many friends. Last September I lost my high school best friend and my college roommate. We kept in touch all these years, visiting each other: I in Massachusetts;she in Pensacola. I was with her even when she died but long distance. Her son sat by her hospital bed and he relayed on the phone everything to me. I saw her ascend in a glorious golden cloud of Light and it was joyous and beautiful and i felt her joy at leaving Ibut the next day and all the days after, I have been sad that she is not here now to call or write or send presents to. We were college friends with Allen and he died suddenly from Covid about a year before she left. Over the last 20 years. I have lost all my dearest friends, except for one. There are more souls I love on the other side than now live here. That pain in my breast is still here but I hope it will desolve. Thank you, Amy. Just what I needed today.
Talk about devine timing. 🤯 Thank you 💓🙏