It's easy for me to receive

I ask for what I need and Life says a soft, generous, and uncomplicated yes.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

This morning, I set down my cell phone and, while sorting through a pile of papers on my desk, I found this note that I’d written to myself:

It's easy for me to receive.
It's easy for me to receive love.
It's easy for me to receive attention.
It's easy for me to receive recognition.
It's easy for me to receive pleasure.
It's easy for me to receive friendship.
It's easy for me to receive money.
I ask for what I need and Life says a soft, generous, and uncomplicated yes.

As I was reading it, my cell phone flashed. I picked it up and found this image on the screen:

Well, hello! This is the avatar that I made on my cell phone. I gave her a little hat because it was winter at the time. It’s supposed to look like me.

I have no idea how this image got onto my phone. I wasn’t on this app when I set the phone down. I hadn’t sent this image to anyone recently. So basically, I somehow managed to send myself a heart emoji just when I was writing: It’s easy for me to receive. Wow.

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It’s easy for me to receive this note. It’s easy for me to share it with you.

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Years ago, it would have been… less easy. I might not even have recorded this experience. Had I captured it, I wouldn’t have shared it. It would be tucked away in a journal, hidden in a desk drawer, under a pile of papers.

It’s easier now.

I trust more.
Me. You. The world.
I trust goodness. I trust Love. I trust Life.

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This took a while. It took work. Most of the work was simply staying in the room with myself and with that kind of power. Paying attention. Noticing.

I noticed how uncomfortable I felt receiving praise.
I noticed how squirmy I felt receiving money.
I noticed how embarrassed I felt receiving pleasure.

Something about deserving. About being caught wanting things. Something in my history (probably), something in my schooling (maybe), something in our culture (for sure) left me, as an adult, fearing pleasure, fearing wealth, fearing power.

It was easier to stay quiet, invisible, complacent.
But staying small was uncomfortable too.
I felt lonely, empty, stuck
- unable to create anything that might draw attention to me.
Bursting with creativity
and the need of that attention. That recognition.
This left me overcome with grief and regret for my lost potential.
And shame. I should be stronger than this.
But I wasn’t.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin

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When the day came for me,
When the risk and the pain of staying tight in the bud
was worse than the pain of emerging into view, I began the work.
Nowhere near ready to blossom,
I was only beginning.
Building a bud out of spider-silk strands of faith.

It was hard at first - receiving touch, receiving affection, receiving connection. I disassociated. I cried. I pushed people away.

My bud began with non-human relationship. The friendship of invisible friends - angels, nature spirits - was my way in. The dreamscape opened to me. Vivid, colorful adventures in my sleep.

Nature friends touched in - birds, bees, butterflies - my sweet cat.
Walking in the forest, deer reached out to me. And trees. And flowers.
The realization these beings could see me, could communicate with me in their own language and way - that was a breakthrough.

It began with Grace and Guidance, which helped me learn to trust - my own instincts. To trust the world. This helped me trust, little by little, people. My husband, my sisters, my children, my friends.

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A few things I know now that I did not know before:

Healing takes time.
It is also possible for healing to happen in a holy instant.
In these cases, Grace is often involved - which is why we call them miracles.

Healing is not fixing.
It’s returning things to their natural state of innocence.
It’s repairing frayed connections to what was always available.

Nothing was (ever) wrong with me or with the world.
I am not (and never was) broken.
The world was not (and never was) fallen from Grace.

All it took was willingness—
to risk the crossing. To step beyond the barrier of fear and choose love instead.
Every day. Every chance I was given.

All it took was shifting my devotion from fear to love.
One choice, one small step at a time.

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It took years. It happened in one cosmic moment.
Again and again. Each time, a miracle.
Each time, me opening to receive it.

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Photo by lilartsy on Unsplash

For seven years, I chronicled my own awakening to love in The Flow Journals
Here’s a sample:

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I’m still chronicling my journey. Open any post on Becoming Real to read about learning to receive what is offering itself, every moment, everywhere.

Some of my recent favorites:
Treasure
The Temple of the Rose

All of my past posts are here in The Archives
Maybe try these:

Angels talk to me. I write down what they say.
In which, I name myself Divine
Let there be flowers and cell phones and books about God
The tenth yoga

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And of course, this post began with receiving - when, while writing a simple affirmation, I received, instantly and so simply, another gift of love.

It is my great honor to share this story with you today.
More, so much more, to come.

xxoo
Amy

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Do you have a small miracle story to share click the repost below —it’s a link to my chat page— and tell me! I’d love to hear it