This is what happened on the morning between two eclipses when, after a restless sleep, I decided to let myself speak out loud, into a voice recorder. All of this was spoken aloud, between 6:30 and 7:00 am.
(Forgive the punctuation, which is wonky, I know. But really, how does one punctuate a conversation between two aspects of one’s own consciousness and the arrival of a third voice, the messenger himself?)
Between two eclipses, I feel a buildup of pressure. I cannot sleep. I toss and wake every two hours, thick with dreams.
Finally, I realize: I can sit up, close my eyes and ask for help. I close my eyes. I settle my body and the air quickens around me.
I exhale. Inhale.
Then, there is a voice. Are you going to help us write this course?
(I realize now, as I am posting this here that this question has two meanings. Are you going to help us write this course? Are you going to help us right this course?)
I watch and observe as within me, two voices move into conversation. This voice and ‘my’ voice. Like two pressure systems, moving in opposition, they move into position - talking to each other, one listening, one speaking. Then, reversing. The one who was speaking listens. The one who was listening, speaks.
It seems that both are aspects of my own consciousness.
The listener feels like ‘me’.
Yet, the speaker also feels like… me. But expressed as ‘my voice’.
The listener is also the one who ‘sees’. An image forms in her mind’s eye. She wanders, curious, toward it.
There, she finds the other aspect of herself, the one who speaks, trapped inside a cage. Imprisoned, thrashing about behind bars. She is a wild thing, banging around - throwing herself against the cage in all directions, trying to break out.
“Why are you in a cage?” ‘I’ ask her.
“You won't let me out. You won't let me speak,” ‘she’ says.
“What would you say if I let you out?”
“I would say: ‘This is a course about the evolution of consciousness.’
“Why would you say that?” I ask.
The voice in the cage says, “Because images are pouring through me and in order to live, to thrive, to follow my nature, I must speak what I see.”
“I see,” I say.
“Do you see?” she asks.
I look at her.
She looks at me.
I ask her, “What else would you say, if you were free?”
(A reminder to the reader that I am speaking all of this out loud for the recording device.)
She replies, “I would say: Listen. For we have much to tell you. This is a course on the evolution, on the history of consciousness.”
“I’m listening now,” I tell her and in the vision, I see myself nod, a kind of acknowledgement that is also agreement.
She says: This is where THOTH becomes the voice.
And as these words move through me into speech, all of my energy settles and quiets. My body comes to rest, the anxiety ceases and all the banging around in a cage settles to silence. Like particles of sand sifting back to the floor of a turbulent ocean. All is quiet now. I am listening.
You will have to tame the many headed hydra of your attention. This will take discipline and we have not seen that you have such discipline so far.
It's true. I do not. It bothers me.
We are willing to engage. To try. Let's see how far this goes.
I open to the message.
You are living in a time of great distraction, chaos, uncertainty and fear. The earth churns with upheaval. Listen now: I am here to help. I am speaking through many. Those who can bring my message of hope. But here is a warning: It’s time to chose a side.
As he says this, I tense. This doesn't line up with what I know to be true. I don't want to argue internally with the message. I want to just deliver it freely and let it land where it lands. But… I have to object. So, I ask him: What do you mean when you say that it's time to choose a side?
You know what I mean. As I say the word, you see images and you understand that the world is made through the choice of what you attend to. I show you the image of a sea parting and a man walking through the sea. And what does this image tell you?
It tells me there are no sides. It tells me the way through the conflict between the right and the left, between the black and the white - the way between the two sides of the ocean which has split is the middle way. The way through is the middle.
Yes, and that is what the image is meant to show you. The waters of the world will part for you. The waters represent consciousness. You can split your consciousness into this and that, black and white, good and evil and you will always have to choose one side or the other. In truth, there are no sides.
When the way that you choose is the middle way, you choose the way of overseer, the way of witness, the way of observing the churning sea without being drawn down into the turbulence.
And how is this the teaching of the evolution of consciousness? I ask.
This is a metaphor for the evolution of consciousness. Throughout time there is always one who can walk through the water or walk on the water or swim underwater, while others drown in their chosen sides, their insistence on living in a split world, a world of duality.
I invite you - and not for the first time - to walk with me down the middle way where the sages of all time have always walked. I invite you to be willing to be elevated, Without guilt or shame at your accomplishment. It is your hard work and scholarship which has brought you here to this moment of invitation. There's no need to be concerned about the ones left behind. No one is left behind.
All are invited to walk this path.
Yet not all can find it yet. Not all can hear the call, see the tracings of the choice that is offered with every step.
I am here today only because you sensed me near and sat up and closed your eyes and listened. I am here only because you saw me beside you. I am here because you came for me.
I offer this invitation to all. I am here with you now offering my invitation endlessly, continuously. As always.
And here you are with me at this moment in your time-life. This moment where you saw me standing with my invitation, my hand extended toward you.
So, though it seems as if I have come for you, in truth, it is you who have come for me. For I am always here with you.
I begin to understand, I say.
And so you do. And here you are, and so, as we begin, I invite you, first, to lift your attention of worry away from the body, Turn away from concern about what to eat and how to eat and what medicine to use to balance your body. This is unnecessary and distracts you from the real work of the day.
Turn those concerns back to the balance within you - the balance inside of all living things - which knows how to align the body in good working order. No need to help or interfere. Only follow guidance as it comes. Drink water. Eat plain whole food. This is all you need to know.
Turn your attention instead to wider matters. You have so much potential and so much to give. This is why your mind feels caged, feels trapped in a life that is too small for you. And we are here with you and ready to walk with you toward the wider path, the next part of your incarnation - the evolution of your consciousness and the consciousness of all.
I want to make a note here. I speak it out loud, for the record and also, speaking to Thoth. I say, “This summer, I spoke with a psychic named Donna. Before I’d even asked a question, she told me, “I have a message for you. Your guides are very vocal. They keep repeating it over and over. I am told to deliver it exactly as it is given. ‘You are the voice’. That’s the message. ‘You are the voice.’ They want you to know that you don't have to know what to say. “
I was stunned. “Seriously?” I asked. I felt called out, struck by lightning.
The psychic said, “I see you standing on a stage looking out at the crowd with light pouring out of your hands. Your guides are saying, ‘We will guide you. You will know what to say’.”
Yes. You were just reading about all the gifts that THOTH brought to the world. And your instinct was right when you thought that in fact the one known as Thoth is not a man but the archetypal energy of communication, THOTH is the voice itself. THOTH is the structure of language, is words, is reading and writing, is mathematical structure, sacred geometry, THOTH is the ordering principle of the balance.
As you listen for the next word and THOTH provides it you are flowing THOTH through you.
And this is a new understanding of channeling and worth noting. This is not anything like possession by another entity. This is not anything like surrendering ones will to another or being captured or overtaken in any way. This is the flow of creativity, the making impulse, this is the voice of structure inside of imagination.
And there is a new understanding here and it is this: The imagination is the womb space, the field, inside of which the structure-making impulse moves. The imagination is the cauldron and the great soup of all creation bubbles there. The THOTH impulse is the structuring, the art and craft of moving image inside of vast space and drawing it through thought into form.
And now you have noticed the remarkable coincidence of two words: THOTH and thought. And yes you are correct these words point to the same alchemy, this seeming magic. And it is no coincidence. It is how language holds its secrets. Symbolically, representationally, poetically and imaginatively.
THOTH is thought itself, is consciousness become word. THOTH is the archetype of thought. And I am the god of the mental, mercurial realm. And you have spotted me hiding there in those two words.
Well done. Well done Amy. This is what we mean when we say you are ready to speak. The psychic said, “You are the voice." She showed you the image of you standing on the stage speaking our message to many. As you spoke, she said, light poured out of your mouth. Out of your hands. She gave you this image which we gave to her as a message, and an invitation. This is the invitation, Amy. The invitation to step aside that part of you which questions whether or not this invitation we offer to is real. I tell you now that it is.
The healing is out of your hands.
The work that is needed is not words it is vibrational waves.
And we work through the ones who can, through their voice, move these waves from thought to the real across the bridge from image to word to speech to manifestation as waves of energy. And now the image Donna (the psychic) gave to you reminds you of the image that you witnessed when you were 26 years old.
When you stood on the stage speaking words of meditation to an audience. As their consciousness began to unite and attune to the vibrational quality of your powerful voice, a unity occurred, which you were able to witness with your eyes. A cloud of blue-white light hovering over the heads of the audience. Undulating like an ocean at rest. This was your first visible image. And it's stuck with you because it was real. And now we recall it to your awareness as a demonstration of the work that we will do together. We will move energy through image into the womb of consciousness where we meet and you will move image into word and speak the word and through your voice our image becomes visible, our thought becomes visible, audible — becomes real. Our thought exits the imaginal and crosses into the material across the bridge of your vocal cords.
And now we recall your memory of the first psychic, MB Dykshoorn who told you, plainly and clearly, when you were 29 years old, “You have the gift of imagery." And this is what that meant and what that means today.
We invite you to claim this gift now.
This is the choice you must make yourself, and you must make it freely, without coercion from us.
We do not pressure you. You will not disappoint or hurt us if you choose not to do this work. You are free. Yet when we say this is the choice that you must make yourself, we offer you this guidance: This choice will liberate the aspect of your own consciousness which you experience as inside of a prison cell banging around and begging for release. Only you can set it free.
We offer this guidance and extend the loving hand of support for we will walk with you across the bridge of this choice.
We will not abandon you and yet, this is your choice alone, We say this not to coerce you but to open the world to you - you are free to cross now. When you cross toward us, we will be there - as we have always been there with you.
We guide you to look to your own mind and your own heart for the truth of what we say to you today.